Interesting Sentence Openers: How to Avoid Pronouns at Beginning of Sentences

Making writing flow entails finding new ways of beginning sentences. A piece of writing comprising sentences that begin in the same way soon becomes repetitive. There are more ways to begin a sentence than pronouns and character names. So, how else can the author begin a sentence, and by the way, what is a pronoun?

Beginning Sentences with Pronouns and Character Names

There is more than one way of beginning a sentence than with a person’s name or its pronoun. A pronoun by the way is the equivalent for a noun. Pronouns include: he, she, it, they, them. A pronoun to be particularly beware of is ‘it’. Too many ‘its’ will dilute the feeling of the writing and sounds weak. Take a look at the piece of writing to see how repeatedly beginning sentences in this way can soon take the life out of the story.

Boring Ways to Begin Sentences in Stories

“Vince turned to the coat hanger. He scooped up his coat and placed it over his shoulders. He gazed soberly ahead. Nancy stifled an urge to snigger. It was difficult not to. She would treasure the image of seeing this celebrity taking himself so seriously. She kept her mouth still for when he turned. He did so and walked past her, scuffing his shoulders against her on leaving. She followed him out.”

See how wooden this excerpt reads? This is because each sentence begins with either a character’s name, or the pronoun alternative: i.e., Vince, Nancy, he, she or it. To take the rot out of this, try beginning sentences with another word rather than character’s names or pronoun equivalent. For example, a sentence could begin with another noun or even verb within that sentence, such as coat hanger, celebrity or snigger, for example.

Writing Tips on Sentence Starters

“The coat hanger rocked as Vince snatched his coat from the hook. He placed his coat over his shoulders. A snigger surged up Nancy’s throat. This celebrity sure took himself seriously. She kept her mouth still for when he turned. With a scuff of the shoulder against hers, he slid past. She followed him out.”

The excerpt reads better and I got rid of the ‘it’ pronoun. However, there are still more ways of beginning a sentence other than nouns and pronouns. Consider certain connectives (however, when, still, or), adjectives (describes nouns) or adverbs (describes verbs) prepositions (before, after, under, over) or interjections (ugh, hi, oh, hmm). Consider the following alternatives for beginning sentences:

Without warning he darted for the gate…

As though by script…

Never had she seen him react like this…

The set of his mouth told her…

Quickly, she ran for the door…

And yet the car did not start…

Movement drew her attention…

Such an ordinary looking doorway…

Beneath the table, she found a note…

Ugh, she thought. That sounds horrible.

I was careful how I opened sentences in my blog novel,Nora. Notice how I opened sentences in various ways as well as by using character names and their pronouns. Similarly, Nancy watches A-list celebrity, Vince dress for a photo shoot. Here, his PA Leon assists.

Great Sentence Openers for Novel Writing

Beware of sentences opening in the same way in paragraphs. This could create a repetitive feel to the sentence structure in novels. A common culprit is opening sentences with a character name or pronoun equivalent. The pronoun ‘it’ is also to be aware of. Try moving the sentence structure around, such as shifting the latter clause to the beginning or using another noun for the opener other than the person’s name. Consider using other words other than nouns and pronouns for the sentence opener, such as connectives, adverbs, adjectives, prepositions and interjections.

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How to Write the First Scene of Your Novel: Don’t Bore the Reader

The first scene of any novel is arguably the hardest or most crucial part of the story. If that first scene doesn’t grip the reader within its maws, the fickle butterfly that is the reader will just flitter off to another more interesting flower head. For this reason, the first scene as well as the first chapter of my novel will go through more draughts than the rest of the story.

Boring First Scenes in Novels

Tips to Hook the Reader

Personally, I find huge blocks of unbroken paragraphs within the opening of a novel a bit of a turn off. Unless the genre is of a special kind, breaks in paragraphs with speeches, action and a smattering of description might offer more of a visual enticement.

Lots of description can slow the pace and could cost the author a reader. So, avoid too much description. Similarly, avoid too much setting up. I dislike reading several pages only to realize nothing has happened. This causes me to skip the latter pages and then either read the end or not bother reading any more. Bring the action closer to the beginning. Something must happen, questions must present themselves and conflict of some sort must exist within the first page.

Click to have listen to the first scene of A Hard Lesson audiobook. Straight away, we are hurled into action, where questions present themselves and curiosity keeps us listening. Why is Kurt's uncle riled by his nephew? Why is Frank witnessing this event? Is something going on beneath the surface? What is going to happen next?

Grabbing the Reader in Thrillers

I like to think of the first scene to my novel as a good advice to writing a screenplay, that is, to begin opening the scene after it begins, not before it begins. Don’t preamble or spend too much time setting up the scene with descriptions or smalltalk. If the story begins with a gambler losing thousands of pounds, consider beginning the story the moment the gambler sees his horse lose rather than the moment he walks into the betting shop.

Or if the story begins with a car crash, consider opening the story with the moment the passenger realizes the brakes don’t work or sees the driver is under the influence. This might be more enticing than reading about the passenger entering the car before it moves off. Interesting elements such as how this came about can be explored later in the novel.

The Opening Sentence of Novels

Another article on this blog explores inserting unexpected words into a paragraph to make the reader sit up, such as putting slang words within a mix of high-brow words. Other contrasts can be explored such as mixing old with new or putting in swear words where least expected. Another great way of opening the novel is by someone saying something. This might be something controversial, provocative or make the reader ask questions. Examples of this might be:

‘What do you mean you’re not my real dad?’ Kitty could feel the floor tumbling away. The man who was not really her dad merely looked down.

‘Where did you get all that cash?’ Doris asked suspiciously as Felix opened his wallet to pay for the wine. He said he’d been broke, yet a stack of twenties bulged within the leather.

Both openers not only hurl the reader into the action, but causes the reader to ask questions. What were the circumstances of Kitty’s birth? Where is her real dad? Why has Felix got all that money? Why did he lie about being broke? Both situations create curiosity. If the questions are interesting enough, we want to find the answers.

Contrasts in Openers in Novels

Creating contrasts in any form will set up tension in the novel and make the reader want to turn the page. This might be subtext in the body language and what is said. For instance, the character might hate the situation he finds himself in, but has to behave in a certain way. He might know a secret or feels secret resentment towards someone.

I used this contrast in the first scene of my blog novel,Nora (after the prologue). The main character, Nancy feels uncomfortable in the situation she is in, but we are unsure of why. Her friends are drunk and are baiting the pole dancer to give each a birthday kiss. Nearby punters have been driven away by their raucous behaviour and Nancy is anxious she’ll be chucked out of the nightclub. Things are about to get out of control as the remaining crowd chant and stomp their feet. Nancy’s unease causes questions to be asked and we suspect she is about to find herself in an excruciating situation.

Good Openers for Novels

So we can see here, that no words can be wasted on preamble, setting up or descriptions. Don’t bore the reader, create contrasts, tensions and pose questions that will pique the reader’s interest. Begin the scene after it starts rather than before it starts. This will bring interesting elements of the novel nearer to the beginning of the book, rather than page 30. By then, the reader might have taken flight.

Words to avoid in novel writing
Interview your fictional character
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Using Attributives in Novels: Said or No Said in Speech and Using Action

Good use of attributives in novels will help make the novel a better read. Action is also a good substitute for attributives in novel writing. A beginner’s mistake is to keep on using said in speech after each person has spoken. Another problem is using a close alternative that feels contrived. A good idea is to think about how the speech was delivered or to use action to assign who is speaking.

                                   

Bad Use of Attributive Speech in Novel Writing

There is little worse in a novel than to read a to-ing and fro-ing of exchanges between two characters where the author simply puts, ‘he said’, ‘she said’ after each has spoken. See this example:

‘I heard about Dawn the other day,’ Lily said.

‘Yes. She got sacked from that job at the chemists’ didn’t she?’ Susan said.

‘It was terrible. I think she got angry at one of the customers because she kept getting the prescriptions wrong,’ Lily said.

‘And to think how long she worked there. She won’t find it easy getting another job,’ Susan said.

The scene soon gets tiresome to read. The attributive ‘said’ is OK in moderation, but overused soon feels repetitive. One suggestion is to think about how each person has spoken and find an alternative or omitted altogether. Alternatives to said are, explained, asked, queried, uttered, muttered, chortled, piped, crowed, moaned, sighed, whispered and so forth.

But sometimes, using alternatives to saids are not enough. Try relocating the attributive in speech. Let’s work on this scene a little to see an improvement.

‘I heard about Dawn the other day,’ Lily chortled.

‘Yes. She got sacked from that job at the chemists’ didn’t she?’ Susan asked.

‘It was terrible. I think she got angry at one of the customers because she kept getting the prescriptions wrong.’

‘And to think how long she worked there.’ Susan tished. ‘She won’t find it easy getting another job.’

Good Use of Attributives in Speech in Novel Writing

Using alternative words to ‘said’ has made some improvement but more can be done to bring flow to the scene. Sometime, we don’t need to attribute speech to know who is speaking. The attributive can be substituted for action. Here is a further improvement to this scene.

‘I heard about Dawn the other day,’ Lily chortled.

Susan applied lipstick from her hand mirror. ‘Yes. She got sacked from that job at the chemists’ didn’t she?’

‘It was terrible,’ Lily said. ‘I think she got angry at one of the customers because she kept getting the prescriptions wrong,’

‘Hmm, and to think how long she worked there.’ Susan put her lipstick away before turning and facing her. ‘She won’t find it easy getting another job.’

Tips on Novel Writing Said is Not Always Needed

See in this final example how action can be used instead of attributives to signify who is speaking. Using action in this way brings variation into the scene and provides imagery for the reader. Action can be inserted in speech or tagged at the end. Sometimes, the attributive and action can be omitted altogether without the reader losing track of who is speaking.

Good Use of Tags in Novels

In this scene from my blog novel, Nora, I used a mix of action and attributives to bring the scene to life. Here, Vince and his PA, Leon make a grubby bet about the passenger in his limo. As we can see here, I have used different attributives as well as action to bring the characters to life.

So there are lots of tactics the author can use to signify who is speaking in any scene. Small portions of ‘saids’ and alternatives are a good start. Try omitting the attributive altogether to see if the scene really suffers as a result. And don’t forget to use action to bring variation to the mix, provide imagery and reveal character.

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Using Contrasting Words in Novels Sod Off or No Thank You

Getting readers’ attention in novels is never easy, but I like to surprise the reader by throwing in unexpected words within prose. I do this by lulling a reader into a certain mood within the story and then to throw in a displaced word. the mood might be soft, exotic or elevated. Soft sounding words might be used such as silk, acquisition or cologne. And then, pow, you put in the word gag or smack or garbage within the mix.

See my video clip on making your writing stand out with contrasting words

                                                     

Rude and Polite Words Together

Lots of opportunities for creating contrast in literature can be used, for instance, a protagonist who thinks inappropriate thoughts whilst trying to behave with decorum, or a character that put into an awkward situation. Dialogue might be very proper, but the thought processes of the character might be very different, containing slang or swear words.

Mix Rude and Polite Words in Fiction

I used this opportunity for the main character of my novel who comes from a harsh background, but finds herself surrounded by people from privileged backgrounds. In order to integrate herself into the other world, she puts on a persona. She says ‘thank you,’ but in her head, wants to tell the other person to sod off. This contrast creates the opportunity to put rude and polite words together. The result might be funny or set up tension.

My video on using contrasting and the element of surprise in your novel writing.

Soft Words and Harsh Words in Literature

Thinking about how a word sounds, rather than its meaning can also create mood in writing. For instance, soft-sounding words might have sibilant consonants, or longer vowel-sounds. Examples of soft-sounding words are: shoe, stealth, broom, surreptitious, arrange, however, fiber, and so forth. Harsh sounding words might be: stuck, staple, pickaxe, spit, temper, break and fit.

Words with Soft Meanings and Harsh Meanings

Some words sound soft but have harsh meanings. I find such words sinister but love to use them in my novels. Such soft sounding sinister words are: slay, stealthy, harsh, harmful, nail, loathe and, well, sinister itself.

And again, some harsh sounding words have benevolent meanings, such as devote, kids, skip, duck, comic and slapstick. With practice, a tone can be set in novel writing, where an odd word can be dropped in. This will make the word stand out as well as the sentence. It is always worth checking the thesaurus for alternative words to the norm.

Making Words Stand out in Novel Writing

Great English Words

The English language is blessed with all sorts of words, including the soft Latin derivatives to the harsh Viking or Norse words, not forgetting other word sources such as French, African and Spanish. I also like to mix the old with the new, such as counterpane and naff. Slang, swear words and a fusion of two words are also great to use.

Examples of Writing by using Displaced Words

For examples of how I stuck out-of-place words in prose, check out the links to my blog novel, Nora. In the prologue, soft words are used, and then rude words were injected where least expected.

In this other excerpt, the main character’s thought processes contrast sharply with her surroundings. She does indeed think sod off instead of saying thank you.

Hated modern cliches in novel writing
Charles J Harwood thrillers on Amazon

My thriller Nora on Kindle

Writing a Thriller on a Blog the Agony and the Ecstasy

Have completed my novel Nora, a free thriller available on my blog. In doing so, have learned a lot about this strange medium of the book blog. Firstly, my writing has become more disciplined, as an audience was out there, waiting for the next installment. This helped motivate me to writing every day. But there are pros and cons to writing a story on a blog.

The Pros of Fiction Blogging

Click to read my book blog
by Charles J Harwood

Firstly I wanted to get my book out there, in more ways than on merely Amazon, Smashwords and Google books. I wanted to reach more readers than ever. Getting more readers is a good thing for any author, even if the reader gets the book for free, for giveaways often lead to sales. I also feel more comfortable giving my book away than tying myself up with Amazon’s KDP Select, which permits a free giveaway a few days per 90 days. KDP select also prohibits publication in digital format of your book anywhere else on the Web.

The Experience of Writing Fiction on a Blog

Getting your book out there also means that you can get others to read it ahead of publication on ebook platforms. They can read it on phones, PCs and Tablets just as easily as on a Kindle device. At the bottom of each page, I provided easy navigation for the reader, enabling ease of use to page back, forwards to go back to the beginning.

There are pros and cons of writing a free thriller

The process took me around three months to complete. I began my book blog novel in December of 2013 and finished in March 2014. I made sure I dedicated around one to two hours per day to writing and I posted two to three times per week, sometimes in batches.  I love blogging anyway and it was good to see my work out there.

The Problems with Book Blogging

The problem with writing fiction on a blog is that the first draft might read fine, you post and then notice a typo or a better way of phrasing a sentence. This can mean going back and reposting on your blog which can be time consuming. This is why getting the words right before posting is important. I would do three or four redrafts before posting each chapter onto my blog. Per 600 words or so, I would tag each text clump with a post number so that I know which portion to repost on my blog. This helps saves time.

Another idea is to allocate each post with a separate page number, so it is easier to copy and paste the text into the blog edit. I was careful not to make each post too long, for ease of reading. This meant breaking down each chapter into two or four posts.

The other problem is that maintenance of the blog can take some hours out of the writing time. Posting links, designing the look of the blog and replying to comments can sometimes cause distraction.

Tips on Writing a Free Thriller

A problem of writing fiction on a blog is that you cannot use keywords. Keywords are a great way of getting surfers to find your website. For instance, by putting in the keywords: ‘tips on how to write fiction’, my blog might be found, because this phrase might have been used in an article here. However, keywording is simply not possible when writing a book blog. This can mean low hits, even if the book is brilliant. People are simply unable to find it. To overcome this problem, I keyworded an explanatory post of my blog. I also posted links were applicable (without spamming) on Twitter, Facebook and also on my other sites. As word spreads, others might post links to this book blog.

Book Blogging for Profit

Nora on Kindle

Once my book blog was complete, I Adsensed it, so even though readers come for free, I am able to earn a little revenue on the way. I was careful to keep the ads unobtrusive. I am also able to advertise via Amazon Associates my books and other books, so customers can purchase goods and I get commission. But ultimately, the aim of the book blog is to publish the Kindle version for Apple, Kobo, Amazon and Smashwords so people have the option of purchase. Incidentally, my thriller, Nora is also available on paperback and large print. I enjoyed writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it.

And if you are interested, you can find my blog version of Nora by Charles J Harwood here.

Nora by Charles Jay Harwood: A Harsh Brand of Rehab

Nancy has a secret about the care home where she used to work. After a traumatic car crash, her alter ego, Nora is born. A tense thriller with a twisty plot that cannot be missed. Available on audio, Kindle, paperback and large print. This is a new, full length novel by the bestselling author of the Shuttered Room.

Taut Thriller on Psychosis

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from Amazon

Nancy’s humdrum life is transformed when she finds herself the unlikely subject of a celebrity shoot with obnoxious playboy millionaire, Vincent Jonas. Soon after the tabloids capture them on camera leaving one of his nightclubs, Nancy’s world turns sour when she overhears Vince and his PA make a grubby bet on Nancy’s dalliance with fame and whether she will got ‘dirty’ to keep her name in the papers.

A Nightmare Night Out 

Click to buy audio book from Audible

But Nancy’s nightmare is just beginning when Vince’s limo is involved in a horrific car crash. Her darkest hour in the limo before the ambulance arrives spurts a psychosis centered upon her tortured past. She tries to phone for help, but on the dark side of the train station, the ditch is too deep for the signal to reach anyone. She looks out from a limo that has become a tomb. The glass dagger she is forced to use and the disturbing memories this spurs becomes a pivotal moment in her life.

Car Crash Thriller

Nancy’s alter ego, Nora is born and Nora has a score to settle. Vince’s world is turned upside down in this disturbing psychological thriller that is set in the Yorkshire Dales in northern England, the location of Vince’s Retreat. 

The theme of the story is displaced rage and how it can manifest itself in the most bizarre ways. Click below to see the book trailer to this thriller on YouTube

Thriller set in Yorkshire

Nora is available on Kindle, paperback, large print and on audio.

 A fabulous new thriller, the story delves into the darkest realms of the human condition with some horribly funny results. From the bestselling author of The Shuttered Room, Falling Awake and A Hard Lesson.

Listen to an audio sample of Nora on my other site on producing audiobooks.

Free Book Giveaways on Goodreads of Thrillers by Charles Jay Harwood

Having a few copies of psychological thrillers after doing a book talk, have decided to do a Goodreads giveaway of two of my books.

Paperback copies signed by the author of the Shuttered Room and Falling Awake are now open to be given away to any Goodreads reader who loves reading thrillers. There copies of each title to be given away. The Goodreads giveaway opens on February 7 and closes on March 10. The giveaway is open to residents in the United Kingdom.

Read more about these thrillers on the links below

The Shuttered Room by Charles Jay Harwood

Falling Awake by Charles Jay Harwood
A Hard Lesson by Charles Jay Harwood (now closed)